Birth trauma isn’t a single event: Understanding the ongoing impact on parents

“I thought once the birth was over, I’d start to feel better. But months later, I still feel raw. Like I never really left that hospital room.”

This is something we often hear parents express in the counselling room.

This is because many people are led to believe that birth trauma is just about one thing; one awful moment, one intervention, one emergency. Something you can mark on a timeline, give a name to, and move on from.

But the truth is, for many parents, birth trauma is not a single event. It’s a layered, ongoing experience that can begin long before labour starts, and last long after your baby arrives.

And when we only view it as a one-time event, we risk missing the very real and complex ways trauma can shape the emotional landscape of new parenthood.

What is birth trauma?

Birth trauma isn’t just about what happened to you during labour or delivery. It’s about how your nervous system interpreted the experience. Trauma can arise when something feels frightening, overwhelming, disempowering, or when you feel unheard, trapped, dismissed, or out of control.

That sense of helplessness doesn’t always stay confined to the delivery room. It can begin during fertility struggles, emerge in a complex pregnancy, and deepen through a traumatic birth experience. And long after the physical healing is “complete”, trauma can continue to live on in your body, emotions, relationships, and sense of self.

Why trauma isn’t always just one moment

While single-incident trauma absolutely exists (and deserves recognition), birth trauma is often complex and cumulative. For many parents, it’s not one specific incident. Instead, it’s the accumulation of many moments where something didn’t feel right:

The way your preferences were brushed aside or not heard
The sudden loss of control when plans changed without explanation
Feeling exposed, scared, or powerless during a procedure
Struggling with pain, panic, or a sense of abandonment
Post-birth complications, NICU experiences, or feeling unsupported in the early days
Past experiences of trauma in childhood or across your lifespan that resurface during your pregnancy or birth.

These aren’t isolated experiences. They can blur together, building up layers of emotional residue that don’t just disappear when the baby arrives.

Ways birth trauma can impact your parenting

One of the hardest things about birth trauma is how it can affect your day-to-day life.

You might find yourself:

Struggling to bond with your baby
Feeling emotionally flat or numb, like you’re watching life from the outside
Startled or triggered by everyday moments, like crying, touching, or medical appointments
Highly anxious or controlling in ways that feel unlike “you”
Lashing out at your partner, or pulling away completely from loved ones
Deeply grieving the birth experience you thought you would have.

These reactions aren’t signs you’re broken or failing as a parent. They are signs of a nervous system that’s still trying to process what happened. Please know it is possible to recover from birth trauma and feel more connected to life and parenthood again.

Trauma can also bring old wounds to the surface

Pregnancy, birth and parenthood can bring old traumas to the surface.

They might trigger memories or feelings from:

Childhood neglect or emotional abandonment
Sexual trauma or boundary violations
Medical trauma or chronic illness
Previous losses or fertility challenges

Suddenly, the coping strategies that once helped you survive those earlier experiences may no longer work. You may feel like you’re falling apart again, when really, your body is asking for space to heal.

You are not overreacting, you are remembering

One of the most harmful beliefs trauma can plant is: “I shouldn’t feel this way”. Especially if people around you are saying things like, “You’re both healthy, isn’t that what matters most?”.

Because, trauma isn’t about what other people saw or expected. It’s about what you lived through, and how that has impacted your perceptions of what is safe and what is dangerous.

Healing begins when we start to believe our own bodies and feelings, and get the support we need to move forward from pain and disconnection and back into peace and connection.

What does healing from birth trauma look like?

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. It means integrating your experience in a way that no longer controls you. It means being able to talk about your birth without your chest tightening or your breath catching. It means feeling connected to your body, your baby, your partner, and most importantly, yourself.

With the right support (whether it’s through birth trauma counselling, EMDR therapy, or gentle nervous system work) it is possible to move through the layers of trauma and find your way back to safety and connection.

You are not alone, and you don’t have to keep carrying this by yourself

At Fiona Rogerson Counselling Perinatal and Trauma Counselling, we work with parents across Perth and online throughout Australia who are navigating the lasting effects of birth trauma. Whether your trauma stems from a single moment or more than one event, we see the whole picture, and we hold it with care.

You don’t have to minimise your pain. You don’t have to wait until you “get over it”. And you definitely don’t have to heal alone.

Ready to take the next step?

If this blog resonated, you may be interested in:

We welcome clients in-person in Success and Highgate, WA, and online Australia-wide.

When you’re ready, we’re here.

Fiona x

Let's get to know each other

My name is Fiona Rogerson and I am a registered Trauma and Perinatal Perth Counsellor and Childbirth Educator. I work with women and men to overcome emotional and psychological hurdles surrounding birth trauma, childhood trauma, traumatic experiences, as well as conception, pregnancy, postpartum, parenting and identity. I am also available to provide supervision, mentoring and professional development training and workshops. I am based south of the river in Perth.