4 tips for responding to trauma disclosures when you’re an empath

  Recently, I presented a webinar on recognising and working with symptoms of perinatal trauma, to an inspirational group of childbirth educators from Hypnobirthing International. During our time together, a question arose that I know many of you reading will also have asked, when faced with a trauma disclosure. It was: “How do I respond in a way where I can show my empathy, but not cry – as I understand this makes it about me, not them, which is entirely not my intention? I am a natural empath and crying comes easily to me”. This is certainly something I was also concerned about upon entering this field. However, as educators and health professionals, it’s important that we know that empathy in this work is NOT a bad thing.

Empathy is needed in trauma work

Empathy, the state in which a person experiences another person’s feelings through his or her own perspective, is so needed in trauma work. Experiencing empathy when working with trauma disclosure is a natural human response to hearing sometimes heavy and challenging stories. Without empathy, the risk of doing more harm than good would be great. So, how much empathy is too much? And, how can we respond in a way that maintains a focus on the client and their experience?   In this post, I’m sharing 4 quick tips for responding to trauma disclosures when you’re an empath…

1. Learn what a client needs from you around their disclosure, AND what they don’t need

Trauma responsiveness often begins to unravel when we worry that we don’t know what to do or say. In fact, learning what NOT to do or say often has the most profound impact. It’s okay to feel uncertain about how to respond – right now the most important support you can offer is to listen and to validate a person’s experience. Through active listening, you’re able to anchor yourself to what your client is trying to communicate (in lieu of formulating your response), and create a sense of trust, safety and security. It’s also important to reassure your client that they do not need to disclose details they don’t want to share, and that they can decline answering any questions at any time.

2. Learn how to regulate yourself in the moment

It’s impossible to stop ourselves from feeling something when we hear trauma disclosures, but being able to regulate how these emotions manifest can be helpful for both you and your client. Please know, this is NOT about ignoring your emotions, but instead learning how to respond to yourself as well as responding to your client in that moment. Learning how to regulate yourself can support you to be responsive vs reactive within the conversation.

3. Learn when and how to successfully refer

There are times when the emotions we feel do interfere with our ability to best serve our clients. And that’s ok! The key when this happens is to recognise it and to know what to do next. And remember, those initial responses BEFORE referral, and your approach to proposing a referral still give you a significant window of time to positively impact your client before you refer out. If referring out feels uncomfortable, it can help to prepare a referral database of trusted and experienced trauma-informed professionals so you can feel confident in providing a clear and supportive pathway forward for your client.

4. Practice self-compassion

It’s ok to feel what you feel and to experience empathy for your client. You’re human. Practice kindness and acceptance with yourself, and recognise that your clients need your love and your compassionate heart. And, if you’re a health professional who is concerned about working with perinatal trauma due to the empathy you feel – please don’t let that stop you from diving into this work. Your humanity and your empathy is needed now more than ever.   If you’d like to expand your understanding of trauma and responding to trauma disclosures in your work, I’ll be covering all of this in more detail in my upcoming course for perinatal professionals – Rethinking Trauma: Trauma-Responsiveness for Perinatal Health and Support Professionals, launching October 6, 2022.   Sign up to my email newsletter to get all the details directly to your inbox when they land.