When parenting feels overwhelming: How birth trauma can make you anxious in everyday moments

“I don’t understand why everything feels so hard. My baby cries, and it’s like my whole body goes into overdrive. I feel like I’m failing. Why does everyone else seem to cope, and I can’t?”

As birth trauma counsellors, this is what we often hear from parents who’ve been through birth trauma. The truth is, the weight you’re carrying isn’t because you’re ‘too sensitive’ or ‘not cut out for this’. It’s because birth trauma changes you. It leaves a deep imprint on your nervous system, on how you feel about yourself, and on how you navigate parenting.

If you’ve felt like your reactions to everyday parenting moments are bigger than they ‘should’ be, you’re not alone. Birth trauma has a way of showing up long after the birth itself, weaving into the fabric of your life and making what might seem like small moments feel challenging to bear.

How birth trauma affects our parenting

Birth trauma is more than just a difficult birth experience. It’s what happens when something at any point from conception, through pregnancy, birth, or loss (whether it’s medical interventions, a loss of control, or feeling like no one was listening to you) leaves your mind and body feeling unsafe.

Even when the physical recovery is complete, the emotional and nervous system impact can stay with us. For many parents, this shows up in the form of heightened anxiety, overwhelm, or an ongoing sense of being on edge. Your nervous system learned during the traumatic birth experience that the world wasn’t safe in some way, and now, even everyday parenting moments can trigger those same feelings of fear, helplessness, or urgency.

This might look like:

Feeling hypervigilant: You’re constantly on high alert, worrying about your baby’s safety in a way that feels relentless and exhausting.
Becoming reactive: You snap at your child or partner over things that feel small, and then immediately feel guilt and shame.
Wanting to run or avoid: Certain situations, like joining a mums’ group or handling tantrums, feel overwhelming, so you try to avoid them altogether.
Numbing out: You feel detached, emotionally drained, or like you’re going through the motions rather than being fully present.

None of this means you’re a bad parent. These responses are your nervous system’s way of trying to protect you, even if they don’t feel helpful right now.

Why everyday parenting moments feel so big after birth trauma

For parents with unresolved birth trauma, ordinary parenting moments can feel like walking on eggshells. They’re loaded with triggers that take you right back to that feeling of being out of control, unheard, or unsafe during birth.

For example:

When your baby cries: A baby’s cry is designed to grab your attention. It’s their way of communicating. But for a parent carrying birth trauma, it can feel unbearable, like your body is sounding an alarm that won’t stop. Your heart races, your chest tightens, and it feels like you need to make these sensations stop immediately.
When your toddler pushes boundaries: Toddlers are wired to test limits, but when your nervous system is already on edge, their defiance can feel deeply triggering. You might find yourself snapping or yelling, and then feeling a wave of shame for reacting in a way you never wanted to.
When chaos takes over: Parenting is messy. There’s noise, toys everywhere, and competing demands. For someone whose nervous system is already overloaded, this chaos can feel impossible to manage, like you’re drowning in it.

What makes these moments even harder is the voice in your head that says, ‘Why can’t I handle this?’; ‘Other parents seem to manage just fine.’; or ‘What’s wrong with me?’.

But here’s the thing: nothing is wrong with you. The reactions you’re having aren’t a sign of weakness or failure – they’re your body’s way of saying, ‘I need help healing’.

The hidden shame of parenting after trauma

One of the hardest parts of parenting with unresolved trauma is the guilt and shame that often come with it. You might think, ‘I should be better at this’, or ‘My child deserves a calmer, more patient parent’.

But these feelings don’t come from a lack of love or effort. They come from the ways trauma shapes how you respond to stress. When your body and mind are stuck in survival mode, it’s harder to pause, to stay calm, or to feel joy.

It’s important to remember: trauma isn’t your fault. You didn’t choose what happened during birth, and you’re not choosing these reactions now. What you can choose, though, is to take the first step toward healing – for yourself, and for the connection you want with your child.

Finding your way to steadier ground

The good news is that healing is possible and trauma-informed support is available. Trauma might feel like it’s woven into every part of your parenting journey, but it doesn’t have to define it.

Here’s what might help:

Recognising your triggers: Start to notice the moments that feel overwhelming. Is it the noise of your baby crying? Feeling like you’re failing when your toddler has a tantrum? Naming your triggers can be a powerful first step in creating space between the feeling and the reaction.
Soothing your nervous system: When your body feels on edge, grounding techniques, like breathing, gentle movement, or noticing your surroundings, can help bring you back to the present moment.
Reaching out for support: Trauma is heavy, and it’s not something you have to carry alone. A trauma-informed counsellor can help you process what happened during birth and how it’s showing up now. Therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) or somatic work can be especially effective in healing traumatic memories – even those stored in the body.
Practicing self-compassion: Parenting is hard enough without the added layer of trauma. Give yourself grace on the hard days, and remember that it’s okay to ask for help.

Finding joy in parenting again

As you begin to heal, you’ll start to notice small shifts. The moments that used to send you spiralling might feel more manageable. You might find yourself pausing before reacting, connecting with your child in a way that feels meaningful, or even finding moments of fun and joy in the chaos.

Parenting will never be without challenges, but it doesn’t have to feel like you’re constantly running on empty. Healing is about creating space – space to breathe, to feel, and to show up as the parent you want to be.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, know this: you’re not alone, and support is available. You can feel steady again. You can feel joy and connection.

Need support?

Want to learn more about birth trauma and the next steps to take to address the impact of trauma and cultivate a nurturing and fulfilling relationship with your child?

Download our free resource here.

If you’re looking for 1:1 support, as a specialist perinatal and birth trauma counsellors in Australia, we can support you to find clarity, to safely explore your experiences, and to be resourced with the tools and skills to navigate parenting while you heal from birth trauma.

If you’re looking for a counsellor that will not only listen to you, but will HEAR you, and work with you through the challenges you’re experiencing, please reach out. We’d love to support you in your healing journey.

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My name is Fiona Rogerson and I am a registered Trauma and Perinatal Perth Counsellor and Childbirth Educator. I work with women and men to overcome emotional and psychological hurdles surrounding birth trauma, childhood trauma, traumatic experiences, as well as conception, pregnancy, postpartum, parenting and identity. I am also available to provide supervision, mentoring and professional development training and workshops. I am based south of the river in Perth.