No one told me parenting after birth trauma would be so hard…

Tips from Australia’s Birth Trauma Specialists

Do you ever feel like you missed the parenting gene that has everyone else talking about how magical it is?

You dreamed of being a happy mum, having fun with your baby, connecting, and enjoying that blissful motherhood bubble.

But instead, you find yourself grappling with daily self-doubt, anxiety about your baby, and feeling disconnected from yourself that those around you.

If you’re resonating with this, let me say… you are not alone.

I know, because I’ve been in that place too – where I did not feel like the mother I thought I would, and I also didn’t feel like myself.

Instead, I felt incredibly lonely and although I craved connection, I found myself retreating from others.

I didn’t want to be alone with my baby. I felt like I was the only one who was struggling with the whirlwind of what I was feeling… one minute overwhelmed, the next numb. I couldn’t articulate any of this to anyone… even to myself.

These were the signs that I was living with the ripple effects of birth trauma.

 

Birth trauma has an impact on our parenting

The aftermath of birth trauma extends far beyond the delivery room, leaving lasting imprints on both your mental health as a parent and the dynamics of your parenting journey.

For me, it left me feeling so far from the parent I had dreamt of being. I knew I wanted more than this for myself and my child, but I didn’t know where to start.

For many of the clients I support to process and heal from birth trauma, they come to counselling because they are:

• Having difficulty trusting parenting decisions and feeling like they always need validation from others to know they’re doing the right thing
• Constantly checking on their sleeping child throughout the night, worrying excessively about their child’s health or safety, or becoming easily alarmed by minor accidents or incidents
• Experiencing intense separation anxiety and finding themselves being overly cautious or protective of their child, reluctant to leave their side, spending so much time and energy worrying about the child’s safety, and struggling to share caregiving responsibilities with others
• Grappling with strong emotions like anger and frustration around themself, their child or their parenting; or, on the flipside, experiencing numbness and disconnection from feelings around their parenting and your child.

These are some of the signs that birth trauma is having an impact on our parenting.

 

What parenting through birth trauma looks like

At its core, birth trauma often presents with underlying themes that shape the journey ahead for you as a parent, and for your child.

These themes, including feelings of abandonment, powerlessness, failure, lack of control, lack of safety, and distrust, influence the way you navigate the complexities of raising your child.

As you grapple with the aftermath of birth trauma, these underlying themes can permeate any aspect of your parenting.

Rooted in the distressing experiences of childbirth, they shape your emotional responses and approach to nurturing your child.

The themes of birth trauma may show up as:

• Endlessly scrolling your phone to avoid interaction or play.
• Outbursts of rage at your child, then immediately feeling overwhelmed with guilt and shame
• Locking yourself in the bathroom, taking deep breaths to calm down, while your child cries on the other side of the door.
• Spending hours awake at night, ruminating over what took place that day, beating yourself up with shame.
• Physically recoiling when your child tries to hug you, unable to tolerate physical touch.
• Compulsively cleaning or organising as a way to regain control amidst chaos while avoiding other emotions.
• Cancelling plans at the last minute that you were previously looking forward to.

Understanding the profound impact of these themes is vital for recognising the signs of birth trauma and providing the necessary support to help you heal and create nurturing environments for yourself and your children.

In my own journey through parenting after birth trauma, it wasn’t until I was able to acknowledge my birth trauma and receive support to process and heal from it, that I found that parenting could in fact, be so much more!

More connection with my child, more of that happiness and fun in being a mum, more trust in myself and my parenting.

And you can too.

Want to learn more about birth trauma and the next steps to take to address the impact of trauma and cultivate a nurturing and fulfilling relationship with your child?

Download our free resource here.

If you’re looking for 1:1 support, as a specialist perinatal and birth trauma counsellors in Australia, we can support you to find clarity, to safely explore your experiences, and to be resourced with the tools and skills to navigate parenting while you heal from birth trauma.

If you’re looking for a counsellor that will not only listen to you, but will HEAR you, and work with you through the challenges you’re experiencing, please reach out. We’d love to support you in your healing journey.